I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
