i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Nobody cheats on THIS.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
