If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
