Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
