While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
