dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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