dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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