I wish I could punch you in the face.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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