that's an acceptable place to lick
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
