Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
