I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
