Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize