Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
