I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I AM VODKA MAN
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
