My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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