i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
