Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
