You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
