Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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