I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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