I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
