So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
