even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
