I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You took a bar mat shot.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
