you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
