I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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