I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
