I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
