She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What a dumb baby whore.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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