I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Say something about gay babies.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
