my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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