he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
