hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
