Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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