If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
