hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
