She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
