all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
