dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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