i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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