I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You made out with two different species that night
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
