My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think people are normalizing furries
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
