I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
