Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
