if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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