Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
