Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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