I don't remember. Are we still dating?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
