A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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