I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
