So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
