Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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