Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
