I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
