return my video game
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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