is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
