No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
