connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
