So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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