best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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