She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well I just put wine in my tea
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
