That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
