Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
