I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
