I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
