I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He did a backflip because drugs
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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