in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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